I went into the hospital at 7:45AM. That was my check-in time, but I like to be early. My car started making a knocking noise, so I had to hurry and get a different ride in case it was a serious car problem.

So I immediately got into room 6 where a Nurse took good care of me until it was surgery time. She stuck an IV needle in my hand, and for a while I was freaking out because apparently I had metal in my hand! Should I not move my hand? Won’t the metal cut up my veins? I remembered from a time my cat got surgery that his IV insert was a plastic tube, but I didn’t think such a luxury would be available to humans. However, when the nurse finally explained to me that the insert was indeed a plastic tube that replaced the needle, I felt much better

Next the fluids started flowing in me; painkillers, sedatives and anti-nausea medication. I can’t tell you how glad I was for all the anti-nausea stuff (I even asked for seconds) because man, I was sick all day.

After we took care of some paperwork, the anesthesiologist came in and talked to me. He seemed very nice. Everyone seemed nice, in fact.

By now, I was naked except for a robe. They said I could keep my socks on, but that somehow seemed even worse than being naked.

The nurse then shaved my belly. I am very ticklish on my belly, so it was mostly me trying to look tough while my belly jumped and jiggled like a cat fighting to get out of a burlap sack. When she shaved my belly button, it reminded me that they may use my belly button as a point of entry for the laproscopic surgery. I explained to the nurse that I probably have an umbilical hernia, so the surgeon should be careful not to nick my intestines. Of course, I knew I’d be speaking to the surgeon later, but it was a precaution nonetheless.

Next I was rolled into the surgery room, and this is where it got weird for me. I looked over at a woman sitting in the corner. I smiled and waved at her and she smiled and waved back. Then, I immediately woke up in the wakeup room, at least according to the memories I retained. I’ve never had general anesthesia, so I didn’t know there was actual memory loss. It was kinda cool and scary. I know at some point I probably talked to my surgeon and agreed to him fixing my hernia if it was worse than expected. Also they probably put a mask on me and had me count backwards from 10, right? That’s how it is on TV, anyway.

So I woke up in a lot more pain than expected, but I’m glad it got fixed, and I’m feeling better already. What surprised me most was how much my throat hurt. The anesthesiologist explained before that he would be intubating me (inserting a tube in the trachea to help control airflow and anesthesia) but it would happen while I was asleep so I wouldn’t have to experience it. So the sore throat was a very interesting side effect of that procedure.

The ride home was probably the worst. The motion made me ill, but I held it together, and my god am I glad I didn’t take the barf train to Pukestown.

So yeah!

THE END

I went to the doc and he said I gots gall stones. Gonna get my gall bladder out on May 14.

Just figured y’all might be wondering from some of the comics.

AIGHT I’M OUT!