So, today I noticed that what seemed to be a brown recluse had built a web in my computer and had all the babies.
What I knew was that the brown recluse is a highly venomous spider, one of only two in North America. What I didn’t know is they’re much more dangerous than their venom. At some point between using a reversed dustbuster to blow out my computer, disassembling it extremely carefully, and pumping it full of spider death spray, I apparently smashed my pinky toe against the floor, and now it may or may not be broken. It just hurts a lot.
This, of course, happened because I am a nine-year-old girl who spent most of the time jumping and squealing at the nasty little creature. By the time I was putting my computer back together, my hands were trembling so badly, I kept dropping the screws.
At the end of the ordeal, it seemed my video card was no longer working. Thankfully, after some fiddling, it began to work again.
Please make all spiders go away. I know they keep the bug population in check (heck, I did a strip about it. Do you read my comic, God? No? Okay). However, I will make a deal with you. Please send me every bug that spiders are supposed to eat to keep the ecosystem in check. I will eat those bugs myself. I will put them in my mouth and yell “I AM THE ONLY SPIDER LEFT” and then everyone will be happy that we no longer have to have spiders.
Also some spiders are big enough to eat rats.
I will eat those rats.
I will eat them.
The Best Human
And that’s why tomorrow’s strip almost didn’t happen.